Defective

http://ldsliving.com/story/64234-why-young-lds-men-are-delaying-marriage

"That kind of modern nonchalance is what may be worrying LDS President Thomas S. Monson and other Mormon leaders."

Modern nonchalance? He's 25! Not 40. Why don't you also take a look at the LDS Divorce Rate. Just because someone doesn't want to marry the first person with a temple recommend that comes along, does NOT make them defective. This kind of thinking is what drives me crazy! I'm sorry that so many members think my POV is too modern, but forgive me for not wanting to marry someone just for the sake of it.

These kids are getting married before they even KNOW each other! They are getting engaged within weeks of meeting. I know women my age with 3 or 4 kids already who are drowning in stress and depression because they are trying to live up to what they think they are supposed to be.

God made us ALL individual. I was not ready to be a wife OR mother at 18. I *thought* I was. But, I am so grateful I left Utah and that state of mind behind before I changed my life forever. At 25, I finally feel like I know who I am. I will have my own identity when starting a family. I won't feel like it's my "duty" to be a wife and mother, I will feel like it's my privilege and I did not think that way when I was young.

I moved to Utah at 17. Half of my dorm floor was married or planning to be married by the end of the year. We were just kids. Sure, it works for some people, but should I really be made to feel guilty because it doesn't work for me? I have talked to so many married friends that regret getting married so fast. Many of them say they would still marry their spouse, but wish they would've taken the time to really get to know him/her better before marriage. Some have kids and have gone through nasty divorces by the time they were 22 or 23 and are now young single parents. Which is seen even worse than being 25 and unmarried.

I understand the churches stance on making family a priority and I am all for it. But, the pressure turns a lot of us away from settling down. There are girls out there so desperate to not end up 25 and single like me that they will marry the FIRST RM that asks. There are young men out there that will propose to the FIRST Young Woman they date after returning to make their Mission Presidents proud. When 21 year old boys are marrying 18 year old girls within months of knowing them, that scares me. Get to know each other, let love run it's course, if that person is the one you are going to marry, waiting 6 more months is not going to change anything. Girls in Utah spend more time doing their hair than choosing a husband. The last thing I want to see is a young couple who resents each other raising children in an unhappy home because they rushed into something like they thought they were supposed to and then get stuck because getting divorce means you failed.

My parents were both divorced and in their late 20's when they met and married. They had more than enough time to have us kids, they are both in their mid-50's, retired, all of us are grown. They both got married VERY young and both ended up getting divorced. They have always told me to wait until *I* feel comfortable and to wait until *I* am ready. At 17, I just wasn't. No matter how much pressure and guilt other members push on me, I'm waiting until I'm ready. I am the only person who has to live forever in my marriage. I think that makes my opinion a lot more important than anyone's.

Also, those of us who have waited are very frustrated at the pressure young men feel to get married. Most of the men I now have to choose from are divorced, with kids, a crazy ex-wife and lots more baggage. Apparently since I didn't settle at 17 means I'm not longer allowed the cream of the crop. But, I guess that makes sense. I am defective.